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Licensed Psychotherapist, Jason Phelps shares advice on age differences in relationships and the issues surrounding them, including Parentification, Children and Prejudices.
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Men needs to be in a good financial footing before marriage. This means mid-30’s. Women by this age are nearly infertile. A man, therefore, needs to find women 10 years his junior if he wants a family. If he doesn’t want a family, he might as well marry for money. Women should always marry for money - and they typically do. A man who marries an older woman is selling himself short (unless he’s marrying for money). Easy to understand.
Age gaps definitely matter, especially when it's 15 years or more. To assert otherwise is just plain silly if not disingenuous. I'm turning 46 next month and I have a female coworker that is 24 years younger than me, who has expressed a "romantic interest" in me. I look much younger than my age, so that's perhaps one factor in her feeling attraction towards me. At the moment, I don't look like her dad or grandpa. So if we got together now, we might have a great relationship..Until I start looking more my age and get older, then what? Is she going to stick around when I'm 55 or 60 and she's in her early 30s? Let's keep it real.
She might feel attraction for me now, but when my hair turns grey, and my face begins to look like her grandpa's, she's going to, most likely, leave me for a younger man or reluctantly stay with me, while she engages in some "extra-curricular activity" with younger men. She'll be dealing with all of my old man BS health problems, when she's in her late 30s and 40s..Really? Age doesn't matter? Are you sure about that? I believe it's selfish and immature of me, to invest my time, my heart and energy, my money, in a relationship that is doomed from the very beginning. It's not worth it.
There are plenty of beautiful women in their mid to late thirties, in their 40s, even in their 50s, who I can date. Why chase after women in their 20s? It's just silly and a complete waste of time.
100% Virgo age is a number if it matters then move on. My Dad told me when I was a puppy that a woman should be an asset not a liability and that you should be the same. He told me always upgrade capital advise . my wife is 13 years younger than myself 36 years of bliss you get i?????
age marriages differences is no big deal,... there same age marriages they fail a lot too,.. i think when you meet someone that is adult and that you mesh ,.. you go with it ,.. its a nasty stereotype that some people have this old fashion 1950s idea what works ... not in 2018 we have age differences marriages ,..same sex marriages , biracial marriages ... get used to us ... it is ok to have age differences marriages now .. just as well gays marriages and biracial marriages now ... age differences marriages ,.if anyone looks down on it it is discrimination its ageism ... it is like racism ,.. it is no differences . if people what ever skin color , adult age , and sex preferences is if the find love ,.. that what matters ,.. celebrate ..it .. stop hating ..
I currently live in Seoul South Korea, and I live with and am in a long term relationship with a twenty two year old (in America he's twenty one). I'm currently seventeen (I'm sixteen in America). Our relationship is in no way uncomfortable or hard. We live our lives and we do it together. I've known him since I was six, and we moved in together as best friends. We started dating after we moved in together. His family loves me, and my family loves him. My parents were definitely a little weirded out because of the age difference (5 years), but they could tell that I was in love. It might be because of our long history, or it could just be that a relationship is a still a relationship regardless of age gaps. Me and my boyfriend live happily together and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.
Edit: here's how we go about these bumps in the road;
Children: We decided that we both definitely want children, and decided that we'd have our first child when I'm twenty four and he's twenty nine. Maybe a second one when I'm twenty five and he's thirty, depending on my feelings then.
Marriage: We decided that if we get married it will be when I'm twenty three and he's twenty eight. It's best for both of us, and our families agree.
Parental Issues: When I first told my mom...she denied me. She told me that just because we moved to Seoul didn't mean that I was allowed to date someone that much older than me. I told her who it was and she immediately softened. She was a whole lot less tense when she figured that out. It is her best friend's son, so she knew I wasn't in danger. She asked what the age of consent law in Korea is, and even though I wanted to hit her for knowing almost nothing about the place we had just moved to, I told her. I'll save you the Google search; 13. She got used to the idea, and came around.
Who Stays Home; this is not even a conversation. In Korean culture; men work, women house work. I maintain the house while he's at work. When he gets home, we have our leisure. It's an unspoken rule, basically.
Housing: Our house is two houses down from my parent's house, so I moved in while still legally living at my parent's house.
Sex: Big word, huh? Well... it's different. It's better than being with some teenage guy who just wants to get in and out. It's more romantic, more stimulating, more intimate entirely. It feels like you're actually 'making love' instead of just 'fucking'. It's more experienced and more understanding. He didn't push me at all, asked me three times for my consent after I told him I wanted to have sex and was very understanding.
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I have a question, I am in love with one guy who is older than me 15 years. And I don't know what to do, I love him, I'm 18 and he is 34, in future if he wants to be with me, be in relationship, I don't know what to say. My parents won't be happy, because he's older than me. Can someone give me advice please?
If each of you are happy than be happy. 15 is way to young you need to be over 18. I meet a Lady I feel in love with the first time I saw her and what I love about her is what I see in her and how she lets it shine. The real problem are with people who go around criticising them I think these people do this to just get everyone stirred up into trying to get people listen to there gossip if your around these self righteous take her by the hand and LEAVE THEM RIGHT AWAY. Be around people that will lift you up not tear you down it sucks to see what these people are doing to outhers like the saying goes if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it!!!
I think wrong with different age relationship. Why Why Iam be careful love somebody .mary cosmo Dialoding from padada Philippine and I loved each other. We were close to getting married. Last time I met her she was planning to work in Saudi Arabia. She told me if she had a small business, she would not have to go to Saudi. I helped her to open a small business. Her business was going good till last November. And then she found European boyfriend. And then last December her business went down. I didn't notice what happened till this April. I loved her kids so much. I supported them. And then one of her relatives told me that she has a boyfriend 60 years old, who was European a retired army guy. Then I told Mary, but she didn't like it. She she sent her new sexy pic’ told me if I do not sent her money what I going miss her’ She emotionally and mentally damaged me because she was living with this guy 5 months or more and I didn't know it. She was honeymooning with this guy all the time, so she was also hurt me with mean words. But I learned from my experience: when your age is different from the some not all girl, when you're older, she is interested in money -not love! And I'm hoping to share my experience so that nobody makes the same mistake I did.
I’m 50 he is 32. We had been married previously. We have a child each . Mine is already grown and independent. His is preschool age .
We can’t have children together and we are ok with that . In the even of us changing our mind, we can adopt and I’m ok with that.
First we need to make sure his child receives proper upbringing and education. We would like to travel so it is much easier with one child . We are still in a dating stage.
So far the age gap seems to be not visible . His family is very fond of me and mine, well, not as much . This is where I’d need some help with how to talk to them and understand that I would like a younger man in my life.
Gratitude Life if everyone did the same thing, married and dated with the same age gap...what a boring place this world would be. He's in his 30s, he should understand what he wants out of life. Don't block your blessings, go with the flow. You're heart and mind have approved...that's all you need.
Im 20 hes 42 and we get along so well, but hes so insecure about his age that broke up with me because he feels like I should find someone my age something that I don’t want he makes me happy but he just doesn’t get it any help?
Amy Ramirez - Amy you might not care now but what happens when you want to have children? He is already middle aged. Is he going to have energy for the kids when they are older? 22 years is a really big gap. You are still young and beautiful and there are guys that would love to be with you. There are good young men out there. Find one!
As I'm contemplating a relationship with a huge age difference I found your video gave me a lot of food for thought. My friends who are psychologists seem very interested in this but definitely not disapproving. I have already discussed things with the other person such as children and how I'm no longer capable. Other issues regarding a young attitude to the world I seem to have been practicing already as I've been consciously avoiding the parental aspect - I don't want to be a dad again. However to be realistic I feel there will be things that occur and a lot of understanding and patience will be needed. I have exchanged views with younger people before when I was an older student - the young ones advised me academically and I helped them cope with domestic and administration emergencies. It was all very rewarding.
It matters if both are of legal age..but I'm mature man..dated woman older, my age, and younger..its the person's maturity level, not their age..some younger woman were far more mature mentally, morally than woman my age of older..
Age doesn't matter to me but like the saying goes what if I can't give him children because I no that all men dream about is having a daughter of his own but specially a son to follow in his footsteps and to carry on his name what then and it hurts me badly mmm okay
You might want to check into whether or not you meet your state's age of consent laws. Age of consent varies from state to state. My suggestion is get your education completed then if you still have interest in the boy you have your heart set on, then go for him. By that time both of you will be more wiser.
Of course age makes a difference. Suppose one day, a 50 year old man decided to change from his 50 year old fiancee to a 20 year old new fiancee. Do you think his life will play out the same after that change? Use common sense people. It affects things like retirement, kids (a 50 year old female likely cannot have kids), energy levels.... People that say age makes no difference are stupid.
I found it very lonely being married to someone far younger than me. We couldn’t reminisce about the era I grew up in, I found myself constantly drawn to women my own age, which ultimately destroyed the marriage. Be careful out there, don’t jump in too quickly.
Age gaps doesn't matter any relationship...
Mostly important part is love,understanding, caring each other... I m in a relationship with someone..He's 40 and I m 25..
I don't care what people says...I m happy with him...
I don't think this is the best advice. Age is tied to life phases and when those differ between spouses disaster is inevitable. The younger, the more adventurous while older people aim to settle. Woman older than their spouse by 5 years or more should prepare for disaster once she hits her 50's and the man is still in his 40's or 30's.
Generally in some traditions .If 1/2 the age of a man plus 7 total is the age of that girl will be perfect at any time !!! For example if you love at 30 then 15 + 7 = 22, If you love at 34 then 17 + 7 = 24 will be perfect !! If 40 that is 20 + 7 = 27 will be perfect ! It is because Female potency with male is calculated in such manner !!
The age difference becomes an issue in the older years. It can be odd when you your whole view of life come from different generations. I'm now looking at hubby dying and I will be left alone in my 50s. It's just now that I am realizing this. It scares the crap out of me. He is also a senior citizen and acts like it. I'm not there yet and don't want to act like it. We have been married 20 years and it's just now that I think I shouldn't have done this, no matter how much I did and do love him. I'll have 30+ years of being too old to remarry and being alone.
I liked your comments. Feminist movement have almost destroyed the institution of marriage in the US and western Europe. This disease and prejudice is seen just in America as we are the most
judgemental society. Further, kids in school are all followers-same shoes, same clothes, same hair style, same mode of talking and manner of speech, and same places to eat lunch at. When they grow, they are not able to make decisions that will open them to be judgements of others. I have a relative whose wife is 30 years younger than his age, and she never feels that her is a strange marriage. It would be
be in the US! Most Americans do not even know that we are a most judgemental society as most do not know about other cultures far older than our very young country and culture. Best age for women to have children is 18-24v years according to biologists. If a female in this age groups wishes to marry, her parents panic in most cases. In other parts of the world, many 18 years females are as mature as some 50years old American women. Females in their 50s are often happy to act like
teenagers here in California!!
I'm not going to date anyone who acts like dating outside of your age group is against the law. Some of you might have had your heart set on that one person you wanted to date only to get accused of trying to ruin her life no matter who it is. Just because of an age difference.
My thoughts: the cancer of modern feminism is demonising older guys who prefer younger women. Making their perfectly normal (from a biological standpoint) preference to be some kind of pathology or sexual deviation. Ignore them- let them stew in their jealousy. Notice how most of these feminists are ugly- both in terms of appearance and personality? No man in the right mind would want them. In some ways, I pity them as they are brainwashed into hating men (modern feminism's purpose has got nothing to do with 'equal rights'; rather it is all about pitting white/European women against their own men). I think Laci Green is the only attractive feminist out there. I'd totally date her if she was not so indoctrinated!
I cannot stand age gaps. I mean, if you're with the partner that you want to be with for the rest of your life, it doesn't make sense to always have it in the back of your mind when one of you passes before the other.
Mary dialoding from padada Philippine and I loved each other. We were close to getting married. Last time I met her she was planning to work in Saudi Arabia. She told me if she had a small business, she would not have to go to Saudi. I helped her to open a small business. Her business was going good till last November. And then she found a Norwegian boyfriend. And then last December her business went down. I didn't notice what happened till this April. I loved her kids so much. I supported them. And then one of her relatives told me that she has a boyfriend 60 years old, who was Norwegian, a retired army guy. Then I told Mary, but she didn't like it. She she sent her new sexy pic’ told me if I do not sent her money what I going miss her’ She emotionally and mentally damaged me because she was living with this guy 5 months or more and I didn't know it. She was honeymooning with this guy all the time, so she was also hurting me with mean words. But I learned from my experience: when your age is different from the girl, when you're older, she is interested in money -not love! And I'm hoping to share my experience so that nobody makes the same mistake I did.
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